Shame on you...

An event I was working on recently was protested.

I was taking a moment to try and eat some lunch while the event was up and running and a man walked over to me from the protest.

He kept his distance, but he walked toward me and looked directly at me. I reacted as most people would react when someone is walking toward them and looked up as he walked over. When I made eye contact with him it was clear to me that he was indeed looking at me, he paused and after a moment he he said:

“Shame on you for working for those rich people”

Those of you that have been with me since the get go have seen the ups and downs this unemployment period had on me. It was a very difficult time all around for me.

But still…. Shame on me for working for all those rich people.

Dear Mr. Protester,

I may have been unemployed for a while this year, but that does not mean that I forgot everything my momma taught me. I know you don't want me to work for rich people, but seriously, who would you like me to work for? Homeless people? I will tell you something about how this society works. You work for people who have money, therefore, when it comes time to pay you for your services the checks don’t bounce.

I don't know how you pay your rent, but I pay mine with straight cash, homie.

Sincerely,

Corporate Kerouac

I'm not even supposed to be here today...

Started my second week of dismal work in a row on Monday.

Scheduled to work 2 days, but slated to make more than allowed by the DoL.

I was looking forward to getting some things done, like canceling my health insurance, figuring out a time to get this new cavity looked at, and periodically staring at my budget spreadsheet in horror for an hour or 2 at a time. It was fixing to be quite a week.

My thoughts this past Sunday were filled with what items I could put on my to do list to keep myself busy during the week. After 4 or 5 phone calls and a couple emails I sit here today, Friday, having worked every day this week. (I even worked 2 gigs one day) Looking forward to next week at my only day off until next Friday is going to be Sunday, and let's be real, Sundays during football season might as well be a day of work. Honestly, this to do list isn't going to do itself...

Freelancing is a fickle mistress, but so far, since I've been with her, she's took care of me...

We need to talk...

I know I haven’t called in a while

I want you to know that I have not been slacking.

We have an honest relationship and I think it’s important that you know that I haven’t gone lazy.

We need to be honest with each other

I think it’s important to let you know I’ve been seeing someone else.

Yes, it’s been work.

No, come on, don’t cry.

I know it’s hard, but you’re not my one and only anymore.

I don’t need you like I did at the beginning of the year.

Don’t give me that now…

Yes, I know you helped me through a very hard time.

No, technically I don’t owe you anything…

Because I’ve paid in previously and will continue to pay in with my future tax dollars, but that’s beside the point.

This isn’t so much an end as it is a beginning.

It’s not going to be the way it was, no…

But I can change… we can change

Yeah, I’ll have a lot of work to do.

I know we’ve been through this before, but this is different, things are really looking up.

What did I say about the crying?

Come on baby, we made it through the tough time, now we get to reap the rewards of our hard work!

Nothing stays the same forever.

Change is good.

This is certainly going to be…

I'm ok, you're ok

In light of recent actions by a man who had a blog and described with great detail his wish to hurt and kill, I wanted to be specific about a couple things.

Jackson is just a character. While he deals with real issues and emotions, this all simply serves as a conduit for me to give an insight into this world I found myself thrust into. I know one of my posts a while back made people concerned that I was contemplating suicide. I assure you that if that were the case that I would certainly seek help, I like myself too much to let myself do anything like that to harm myself.

Everything in the corporate Kerouac camp is all good. It has been a difficult eight months but I have survived, and things are on their way up. I am entering a new phase of my unemployment. one that is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I appreciate the reads and I know I've been slacking, I promise more writing in the future.

This may have been unnecessary, perhaps I'm overreacting to all this, but I'm having a hard time dealing with a guy walking in and shooting up a gym because he couldn't get his stinger sticky...

There are people who have real problems in this world, then there's me, and then there's this guy... the saddest part of this all is that he just gave the families of those 3 women real problems

You Don’t Know Me...

A girl stopped me on the street the other day and asked me to give to a charity. I like to give to charities, there are some that are very important to me. People close to me know that I bother them for money every year as a raise money for children in schools. However, at this time in my life, I am flat broke. Most of you know this based on reading my recent blog posts. So this sweet girl, who is attempting to do something good for others, stopped me and gave me her speech about broke ass children. I politely apologized and told her I had no cash. She then mentioned that all I needed was a credit card to pledge. I told her that I was completely broke and didn't have any money to pledge. She, obviously being used to rejection, thanked me for my time and tried to leave an impression by relating to me personally.

In retort to my saying I was “too broke to pledge,” she responded with:

"I'm a student, I know how that is."

You have no fucking idea how it is...

You don't know what it's like to not know if you'll make rent each month. You don't know what it's like to pick which bill you aren't going to pay that month in order to make sure you can eat. You have no idea what it's like to play Russian roulette with your credit rating. You don’t know the embarrassment of letting your friends invite you to their place for dinner because you can’t afford to go to the supermarket.

Spare me the small talk darling, because you don't know anything about me.

Bloggers note: This is said without any responsibility to anyone besides myself, like children. Comments from those who have more than their own life to worry about are more than welcome

When you broke, You broken

This is hard.

This is really hard...

I’m an optimistic guy.

But I’m done. Just done…

If this isn’t the end of my rope then I am terrified to find out where that is because I can feel myself dangling and I’m just done.

Last week was my birthday. This week has been the worst I’ve had since the layoff.

I cut a rent check this week and bought a one way ticket to Boston. This leaves me with $15 dollars in my bank account. I’m not even sure I’m going to be able to afford a bus ticket back. I’m not sure I want to afford a bus ticket back.

I had to skip a bill this month, this is incredibly embarrassing for me. I’m embarrassed that I could not afford my phone bill. I am embarrassed that I am packing my dirty laundry into my suitcase to bring home and wash at my parents house. I am embarrassed that I cannot afford 6 dollars to go downstairs and do two loads of laundry. I’m embarrassed that I am going to have to borrow $20 from my mother in order to get back to my apartment.

It’s days like this where I wish I was as anonymous as I pretend to be.

Saturday is exactly 6 months.

Happy half year Jackson…

April Comes Earlier Every Year

Opened my mailbox the other day and guess what I found…

A CHECK!

This is a spectacular thing for me. I did my duty and worked me some freelance gigs a week and a half ago or so and this was my payday. This was great, I owe a bunch of money around and this is going to be a big help for me. So I open it up and it’s like $300 dollars short!

Alright then, time to do a little math.

After going through my calendar the hours seem correct. Originally when I was booked it looked like it was going to be more, but all the jobs didn’t take us the entire allotted time. So the actual hours worked were lower than the anticipated hours. Being that this was hourly and not a day rate, these types of things obviously effect the paycheck.

Ok, so worked a little less than I had anticipated, but still that doesn’t quite match up. The lower hours would have only made up about $150, so there is still $150 that I can’t account for that I feel I’m due…

So let me look at this stub a little closer. I have my Earnings… Taxes… Deductions… wait… taxes what is this?

What’s a FICA and why does it cost 40 dollars?

How is MEDFICA different than a FICA? At least that one only costs 10 bucks. What else is there, FED WTH? Those aren’t even words. NY, NYCITY, NY DIS.? What is all this? Well, how much is the total?

ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY TWO DOLLARS?!?!?

What the hell is going on here? What is this? Today marks the day that my payment plan for my aught seven Taxes. How much do I owe? I mean seriously? Doesn’t the government know I’m broke? They certainly should. I registered my brokeness with them. Are they not paying attention? I went to them like I used to go to my mother (and by used to, I mean last month) and beg for money!

Dear The Government,

In case you hadn’t noticed, I am receiving Unemployment Benefits. This means I don’t have a full time job, so if you would be so kind as to leave my wages alone when I actually DO get a gig I would appreciate that.

Seriously, I have bills to pay.

Regretfully yours,

Corporate Kerouac

The More Things Change

I have found some work recently doing college commencements. This has given me a strange feeling deep on the inside. I think it was a feeling of happiness for those graduating. Obviously they are full of glee and it seems to fill the air and get inside of you like a virus.

Thankfully I know the cure for such an illness…

Spoke to a friend of mine today and learned that two of our friends had been laid off at the end of last week. Obviously, though things have seemed to be getting better, they have continued on the same pace. This is disappointing for me. These were two smart girls that were a couple years younger than me at University. They both have degrees and have been working in their respective industries for the past few years.

So I spent today helping out with what I remembered from filing my unemployment and giving tips on health insurance and things of that nature. Obviously any help I can provide I am more than willing to.

However, now looking at the commencements I have been doing. The feeling of euphoria turns to dread almost as quickly as the week begins again.

All of these graduates are now going into the work pool that me and all my friends have to fight against. I remember when I was 22 and out of college, I would work for nearly free. I was very proud to work for lunch. Now I, a man with a respectable day rate, has to scrap for a gig against these kids. The trouble is that I think I feel worse for those kids. I can drop my day rate. As long as I can make enough to make ends meat I will do it. With Unemployment insurance helping out until I get back on my feet I don’t have to worry about only taking my normal day rate. I’ll take a cut and,
with my experience, these kids don’t even stand a chance. I guess the question is then posed, what is worse fate right now? To be laid off with skills, or to be recently graduated with only dreams?

Good Luck class of Two thousand and nine… you’re going to need it.

Excel Has Pretty Colors

So I’ve been working on my budget this week.  I’ve been looking forward to the rest of the spring and summer and how the unemployment will work for me throughout the summer months.  The past couple of months have been pretty rough; brother needs a vacation!

I have been surviving very well recently, but I have been working over the past months.  So it always sort of worked out.  I was actually making more money and doing better than I had been when I had constant employment.

It was very strange, but a very empowering feeling.   I would collect my weekly stipend when I didn’t have gigs.  However, when I did have gigs I would suspend my stipend and go pull my day rate and walk away with a very nice paycheck. 

So I wanted to see how much extra I would have every month.  I had started putting some money in savings.  I am being cautious of all my 1099 work and the taxes I’m going to owe in next April.  I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been pretty tight over the past couple months, but I feel like I’m starting to get the hang of it.  

Honestly, the hardest part for me was keeping my head about me when I had a surplus of savings.  I always want to clear off my credit cards and spend a bunch of money on stuff, like jeans and sneakers. (the moms would never buy me that pair of Jordan’s)  However, being the learned man that I am, I knew that the rent and bills were always coming right around the corner.  So I did what every reasonable person would seemingly do and save some of the money I made for the next months bills. 

But I was sick of living like that and constantly saving a few hundred to hope that my bills would be covered the next month.  I have had some work, but one of the gigs I worked is already over for the year.  I have survived these first few months, but I know that I must be smarter about all this. 

So I added up all my rent and bills in a neat little spreadsheet.  I only did house and personal bills like phone and medical Insurance.  I left off food and credit cards on purpose because I knew that was going to fluctuate more than the rest of the bills.  This way, I can change how much I am going to save and pay off some of the extra bills that show up.  (This plan is foolproof, I can’t believe I ever complained about being unemployed!)

Then in the other column I put all my unemployment payments and added all them up.  Excel is a really neat program because I could both of these columns next to each other and that made it easy to then take the difference of the bills and the Unemployment benefits.   However, I’m pretty sure I’m doing something wrong.  The difference came up in red lettering and in the middle of a parentheses. I don’t know what happened because it didn’t do that when I added the other columns up...

I mean, I didn’t change the colors or use any parenthesis.  I didn’t want to make it too confusing, you know?   Obviously something is desperately wrong with the programming (it’s the new version, and we all know it takes “Icrosoftmay” at least 2 years to get it right)

So if someone could do me a solid and call up Microsoft and let them know about this programming error that would be awesome.  I tried it on google docs too and got the same problem, so I’m busy trying to get them to fix it on their end. 

It’s a rough life being a technological Samaritan for these big companies, but it’s obvious this recession is hitting everyone hard.  I know that my position I should be worrying about myself, but I can’t help but be heartbroken over all those beta testers that seem to have lost their jobs…  

The Swine Flu, Medical Insurance, and My life

A global pandemic?

Really?!?

A level 5 on the pandemic scale?

I didn’t even know we had a scale!

3 years ago I didn’t even know that pandemic was a word.  I thought epidemic was always bad enough, I didn’t realize I needed something bigger. 

Now with Avian Flu and the newest Swine Flu, AND I DON’T HAVE INSURANCE!!!!

This is a miserable and horrible time to be out of work and with no Insurance.  Although I’m not sure that insurance would do much good since this is a flu that infects pigs that humans have no natural defense for it.  Also, it being a virus modern medicine has very little they can do.  AAAAAANNNNDDDDD  it only seems to be killing young and otherwise healthy people.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

So what’s an unemployed, uninsured, otherwise healthy male in his 20’s supposed to do???

I see how it is…

Fine!  You want this life Pig Virus? I’ll give you this life ... when  you come and pry it from my cold dead … body

… channeling Heston sounded so much more badass before I typed it out. 

Does Gary Sheffield count against the Detroit unemployment rate?

The Detroit Tigers this morning released Gary Sheffield and ate 14 million dollars of salary. Being a fan of baseball I understand that there is a lot of money that changes hands, but this seems like a lot to not have someone play for your team.

This news this morning helped to shine a light on the fact that Detroit's unemployment rate is at 22%. Apparently the Detroit Free Press columnist Rochelle Riley compared this to hurricane Katrina. This took me aback for a moment since I quite vividly remember watching Katrina unfold, be it on television, but had trouble comparing the two in my mind. Until I started looking up the statistics of Katrina and was floored. Louisiana's unemployment after Katrina was only 11- 12%. I could not find a specific unemployment rate for New Orleans, but this puts Detroit's unemployment rate at twice the unemployment after Katrina. I'm not sure if you remember, but Louisiana got hit pretty hard by Katrina and New Orleans was partially underwater. Detroit is twice as unemployed as that.

I know this is sort of mixing apples and oranges, but I felt it brought a bit of perspective. Detroit is in some seriously big trouble.

New York city has been hit very hard by the current recession. Many of the layoffs that have come in the financial sector have been in or around New York City. Some of them have been in Connecticut and some also in New Jersey, but the entire metro area has been affected. The city itself boasts an 8.4% unemployment rate. Which is slightly higher than the national average of 8.1, but still approximately 13 points LOWER than Detroit's rate. Strike that, flip it, and reverse it:

etar s'tiorteD naht REWOL stniop 31 yletamixorppa llits tub

That's almost 3 time HIGHER than the national average.

I was shocked to learn this today. I probably shouldn't have been, especially given the winner of this year's Dole Awards, but I was. There are days that I have a pity party and complain about my problems. (those who follow my twitter know what I mean)

Then I wake up, literally and figuratively, and learn something that makes me wonder not when we are going to get out of this entire mess but if. This country's economy is tied together like the world's economy is tied together. I've been over it before and I've we all watched how the world's economy reacted to our economy tanking.
There is going to come a time when the bailouts have worked or they didn't. The more I read every day, the more I wonder which side we're going to land on. . .

. . . and the latter is terrifying to me.

The Joys of Unemployment and Freelancing

I worked!

It was awesome.  It wasn’t much but it was good to at least have a gig.  I did a little camera work for a few days a couple weeks ago. Really great opportunity to meet some new people in the business and hopefully this will all lead to more work.  So springtime is coming and thing are looking up.

As a good little boy on the dole, while I was clarifying my benefits for this week I told them that I had worked the week prior.

For those of you not familiar with the unemployment benefits you need to clarify your benefits each week.  If you work one week and make more money than you would on unemployment, they suspend your benefits for a week. 

This is totally reasonable to me.  Some people may say that they wouldn’t try to find work as long as the free money is coming in, but I make a lot more when I’m working than I do when I’m not working.  So if I can find a gig for a week I set myself up in a good spot and then the weeks I don’t work I get my unemployment to make sure I keep myself afloat. 

That was 2 weeks ago, and then this week happened. 

I got a very nice paycheck from that freelance gig and I promptly put it into my bank account.  This put me in a really good spot monetarily.  So I waited the week of my suspended benefits and I was sitting pretty to start collecting again this week. 

When your benefits are suspended, you need to fill out a questionnaire for the DOL about the previous work experience.  It asks questions about whom you worked for and why you aren’t working there anymore.  Very simple and I think relatively easy.

Problem was, my friends at the Dol use snail mail.  (I KNOW!) So I didn’t get the questionnaire last week like I thought I would.  I got it this week, on Wednesday.  Which means I didn’t get it out until Thursday, Again through snail mail. (I KNOW! I even had to buy a stamp!)  The issue with the questionnaire and the snail mail is that you don’t receive benefits until they receive the questionnaire.

Everyone follow so far?

Recapping quickly, my unemployment has been suspended for two weeks because they haven’t received my questionnaire yet.  This is a little annoying, but it is ok because I have some extra cash because of my freelancing. 

Until that check bounced…

It was in my account, and then it just evaporated. 

So now I have no income for the past two weeks.  I have been staring at my bank account on my computer screen for the past 3 days just wondering when the rent check is going to clear and hoping that I have all the other bills that automatically debit accounted for.  If another bill clears the same day my rent clears it will sink me.  It will incur fees that will start to snowball into a debt that I will have trouble paying off once I start getting paid again. 

I will eventually get all of this money, or at least I should.  That will be a good chunk of change, but now I have to wait and try to make sure I don’t drown while it comes.  I’m trying not to be terrified, but I quite literally have $100 to play with until I get the checks that I am owed, and there is no guarantee that this money will show up in time. 

These are the joys of unemployment and freelancing

About as much Sunshine I can muster

I have been told now on two occasions that my blog has made someone want to end it all. I do not want this to happen as the two people who have told me this are a part of my life and important to me. The last thing I want to do is depress everyone to the point of throwing himself or herself off their office building. I’m here simply inform (slightly) and regurgitate financial news through a jaded prism.

Today is a new day though my friends. I have previously hammered CNN for basically telling us all what we already know and calling it breaking news, but not today! Today CNN is giving us hope. Today CNN gives us a date when this will all turn around and when the economy will bounce back …

… maybe

UCLA Anderson School of Management released its (apparently) quarterly economic forecast. I didn’t realize they did this, frankly, didn’t realize UCLA had a school that did that. But we are all learning about the economy in these trying times, some of us more vocal and opinionatedly than others.

Apparently David Shulman is the main man on this project and is important enough to listen to about stuff like this. He is also saying something optimistic, so people are willing to listen to him. So, in the interest of optimism….

The recession should only last 19 to 24 months!

Hooray! We should see economic growth in 2010 –ish., maybe more like Twenty ‘leven, but either way within the next year and a half or two years. We’ve already gone through six months or so of this thing, so even worse case that puts us at 18 months or so. Awesome!

Yeah, I know that there are only 33 weeks of Unemployment Benefits and that this recession is now slated to end approximately 72 weeks. Yes, I realize that leaves 39 extra weeks to deal with. But come on, think about it, what are 39 weeks on the 6 train? Especially if it’s from April through October? That might be nicer than your apartment! **blogger’s note: for the record it’s not nicer than mine, but might be nicer than yours, I don’t know, I don’t know who you are**

I apologize. I’m slipping toward snarky. I promised optimism and damn it, I’m going to bring it!

In the report Shulman said "We still forecast a tepid recovery in 2010 as the contractionary forces become spent…”

Yay?

I mean, that is a positive comment … sort of.

I’m just not sure what to do. We’re trying to get good news from lemons here. We don’t need lemonade; we’ll get that out of the carton. So we need to fight to try and find some sunshine and happiness.

Shulman had another comment at the news last week that the Federal Reserve’s plan to put another Trillion dollars into the economy.

"I feel a lot better about seeing a recovery in 2010 today than I did a week ago"

OH MY GOD! You are the worst at this! I mean seriously man, my teenage sister has a sunnier disposition than you, and she’s Goth!

I guess the best news to take from all this is there will be another trilly from Uncle Sam coming to help. Eventually that could devalue the dollar and cause a rise in inflation, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

As for now, keep printing that paper baby and we’ll "make it rain" our way out of this thing

Let's get some good old fashion depression going this week...

Saw this last week on boston.com. It's a bunch of photographs of this recession. I am assuming we all know those pictures of the Great Depression that just invoke a crushing sadness. These Pictures are much brighter, mostly because they are in color and because of advances in camera technology involving aperture. So open the link below, feel bad for people that aren't you, then continue on trying to not end up in the gutter.

Good luck.

This blog is brought to you by the US government, keeping my power on so I can keep writing and playing video games.

http://tinyurl.com/dkogyg

Ghost Writer: The Joys and Sorrows of Collecting Unemployment

It is obviously no secret that I am a champion of the NY state department of labor. I have been collecting unemployment benefits for almost two months now. Those weekly Dol checks have been an absolute life saver for me, and I know they are certainly helping other people stay afloat in these troubled times.

While celebrating the great Irish holy day I saw an acquaintance whom I hadn't seen for 6 months or so. As it turns out, since I had seen him last, we had both fallen on similar situations. Both misplaced our full time gigs and were forced to turn to the safety blanket the Dol has laid out for us. There were fundamental differences though and I invited him to write his experiences for this blog. I thought it would be a change of pace to find a different tone.

The Joys and Sorrows of Collecting Unemployment

don't think anyone is ever really excited to collect unemployment. I know I wasn't. Not working kinda sucks. But you owe it to yourself to stay at home and watch bad daytime TV and do absolutely nothing for a minimum of two weeks. I am deeming this as Mandatory. After all, you've just been laid off or fired so sit back and relax for awhile.

The first few weeks are good. Around week four I knew things were getting bad. You know its getting bad when you look forward to Octo-Mom being on Dr. Phil (CBS weekdays @ 3:00PM)

When this happened I started to go into holy shit mode and realized it was time to start getting serious and try to find a job. I don't think I would be freaking out as much if The lovely State of NY was giving me the amount of money I should be receiving. The amount of money that is rightfully mine.The amount of money I deserve. But no!

When I received my Benefits Summary it said I didn't work in the last Quarter. 10/1/08 -12/31/08, When in fact I did. This would be the Quarter where I made the most money. After submitting additional paper work along with the Request for Reconsideration form, I received an updated Benefits Summary, which is still about $4,000 short. So I submitted even more paper work including W-2's this time around. Still waiting. Hopefully in the next week or two everything will be fixed. In the mean time I am collecting a whopping $120 a week. So not helpful. When does that extra $25 kick in? Thanks NY. Please give me my money.

If you've ever been unemployed or are currently unemployed check out www.oddtodd.com. Its a great online cartoon and website about being unemployed. Guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Just when I think I'm out, I get pulled back in.

Just when I think I have a time to take a breather and enjoy my St. Patrick's Day, I get sucked back in. Obviously AIG is following Jackson's tweets and thought they could get one past me today. Well, they were sorely mistaken.

Are you kidding me with this?

Didn't we just bail your sorry asses out for the fourth time?

You are now giving out 73 Million dollars plus in bonuses?

At least 11 Million is going to people who don't work for you anymore?

Are you fucking kidding me with this?!?!?

breath in ... breath out ... breath in ... breath out ...

chill Jackson, chill


My favorite part of this I think is that these bonuses are going to the division that fucked this all up in the first place. By favorite part, I mean the part that drives me to complete insanity over this entire concept. Million dollar bonuses! For what?

"This is for a great job bringing down the entire financial structure of the United Stats, and
in turn the rest of the world. Now, make sure you put this under your mattress... don't
want it in any banks right now."

Cue hearty laughter

There is one silver lining in this, but it's tough to find. However, the senate is looking into taxing these bonus. Which is cute, because you have to pay taxes on all earning anyway, but at least congress is looking to get some taxes back on these obscene bonuses. Then I thought, why don't we just take the 73 million plus and not give them that in the bailout. Instead of taxing it, just keep it and use it elsewhere. You know, for important things.

I am driven to the point of insanity over this.

I am going to go out and celebrate St. Patrick's Day now, and I suggest everyone from AIG stay home today. My anger is like an umbrella covering this entire company. I swear if I see any one of you out tonight I will not hesitate to slap your face in public.

You have been warned...

I'm getting a raise!

Pay attention dolemites, the New York State Department of Labor is raising the maximum amount of UI benefits to $430.

Additional $25 weekly payment to unemployment recipients

Federal legislation has been passed allowing an additional $25 weekly payment to unemployment recipients. These payments are expected to begin in late March 2009, retroactive to week ending March 1, 2009. No additional action will be necessary on your part in order to receive these payments. The last week for which additional payments can be made is the week ending July 4, 2010. Check our website weekly for updates.

This is wonderful news for all those that are riding pine right now. The NY Department of Labor has been spectacular to me in a troubled time. I salute them and their hard work. They have allowed me to keep my head above water as well as I’m sure countless others in my position.

I salute the hard work of those at the DoL and appreciate the help with my bad case of skrilliosis.

What week is this ...

I woke up this morning and I swore it was early Sunday morning. It took me a few minutes to figure out that it was indeed Monday morning, and then I started thinking about it and I couldn’t actually remember exactly how many weeks I’ve been unemployed. Thinking about it logically, I’ve had 3 Unemployment payments, but I missed a week because of that gig that I had, plus the waiting week… So that’s 5 weeks. But that doesn’t feel right. It feels longer than that, I’d like to say 7, but I know February is a short month.

I’ve had between 5 and 7 weeks of time off and what have I done?

Well, I had that gig the second week. That was in Connecticut and took 2 days. Um, I did a little work on a movie with my friend out in Astoria. That was the third week but only took on day. That wasn’t a real job and didn’t pay, but I knew that going in. I got a beer and a burger out of my hard day’s work, like I was in college again! So there are 3 days so far…

Oh yeah, I did that camera thing for a couple days. So that’s like 7 days.

I watched a movie one day, that’s 8 days.

Ummm, one day I got sick, so I didn’t get up that day … cause I was sick. So that’s 9 days … Let’s make it 10 days.

So I’ve done something for 10 of the days that I’ve been unemployed.

You know what, I forgot; there was that day my old roommate moved out. I can’t count that day, or the day before when we went out to eat with him. So we’ll make it 12 days approximately.

And we’ll add in an acceptable margin of error, we’ll say I did something for 14 days of my current unemployment.

Now I have to break out the calculator, I was laid off on January 23rd so that’s 31 days I’ve been unemployed. So that’s pretty good, that’s like half the time I’ve been unemployed I’ve been doing something. I’m not nearly as depressed as I was when I woke up. That’s totally reasonable, I’ve been busy for 15 days and I’ve been home trying to find gigs and taking care of my life for the other 15. That is something I’m now very proud of. When you are unemployed time can really seem to slip away. I am going to take pride in the fact that I haven’t let myself get sucked in by Sportscenter or Cheaters afternoon marathons. I am a productive member of society even though I am unemployed. I will not be considered a leech on this culture; half my time is spent out being a productive member of society.

Wait a minute; my math is a little off. I forgot some of those days I counted were weekends and I only added up working days. Let me just add these weekends in … and the days I’ve been unemployed is actually … 45. Oh, that’s a few more than 30. Like 15 more than 30. That’s like I’ve only done stuff 1/3 of the time I’ve been unemployed. That doesn’t feel as good. That feels a little more … unproductive. I should probably do something with today. Let’s see, I already applied for my weekly benefits, uh, I already made my coffee, and I’ve already watched Sportscenter twice through today. Oh man, I should probably do something today. I should become productive. I don’t want to fall into the stereotypical rut of unemployment. I want to be productive, I want to be able to live my life and help myself. I am a proud man; I am a self-sufficient man. I don’t want to be on the dole forever! I am here to use the program as a crutch to keep me from falling off the ledge.

I feel really bad right now. I lost so much time and I’ve become just another statistic. I need something to pull me out of this funk. I need something… to do something, today, with my time that is worthwhile. Something that will make me feel good about myself and my unemployment… oh, cool, an X-men: The Animated Series marathon. I’ll start with that!

CNN seems to be confused

This isn't breaking news, this news is broken...

The unemployment rate in America reached 8.1% in February (I'm the .1%).

So in case y'all weren't paying attention,
PEOPLE ARE LOSING THEIR JOBS!

It's the highest unemployment rate since 1983. Fancy. That's like 26 years ago.

Thanks CNN, without you I never would have realized I don't have a job...

AIG makes me so mad I could spit

Since Tuesday I was working on researching this AIG nonsense and found what seemed to be, to my very limited understanding of business, a company that failing hard. To the tune of 4 bailouts totaling reaching an approximate total of $160 Billion.

$160 Billion …

BILLION!!!!

I was so mad all week trying to write. While proofreading my little “article” yesterday I realized that I had only succeeded in punching the keyboard over and over again. Needless to say I was having trouble putting my feelings into words. It’s hard to watch grown adults, who tried to convince us to trust them with our money, turn around and beg the government for money. Such emotions of anger, disgust, and sadness over such gross negligence. Yes, so much gross negligence that even I can’t get behind it, and as you know I love gross negligence.

I mean this company has had to be bailed out 4 times. When I was a kid, we called that "going out of business." I do not understand how we can keep giving money to these companies to keep them in business. Aren't we already in debt? Didn't we already spend all our money on a war or 2? How do we have so much money to help these companies? Why are we wasting our money on companies that are so clearly not going to survive? I am not a stupid person, I have a degree. (they haven't taken that away yet) I understand the concept that we have let ourselves get into this position where if these financial institutions fail, then it could catastrophically crush our way of life (or something), but I can't quite wrap my head around the concept. There are risks involved in business, and successful companies take risks and . . . well . . . succeed. On the other side of things when a business takes a risk (like AIG) and those risks blow up in their face (like AIG), that company disappears. This is how things work! This makes sense to a reasonable human being like myself. So someone PLEASE help me understand why we are giving them
ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY BILLION DOLLARS!


Finally someone was able to speak to me on my level. Last night, Jon Stewart on his Daily Show absolutely nailed The Dole’s feelings on this subject of AIG and the bailouts. This explanation of the current economic issues and the subsequent government bailouts was very helpful, and made me feel much better about not exactly understanding what was going on (mostly by yelling). Last night's episode is an absolute must watch for anyone who feels a little overwhelmed by all these credit crashes and bailouts.

... and anyone who likes yelling about it.

You have your homework.

Even in this economy, people are still turning down jobs

It’s a very difficult time in our society. According to Forbes.com there have been 486,639 layoffs by America’s top 500 companies. This number doesn’t even take into account the layoffs mine and, I’m sure, thousands of others. This is a good number to go off of for our purposes though. This is a big number based for America. We only have 305 million people in this country. The approximate 500 k jobs lost aren’t devastating for the entire country yet, but we are obviously teetering on the precipice of plunging into a deep dark depression.

However, even in times like these there are people who are rejecting job offers. This is unbelievable to me. Obviously people must keep their wits about them. There are reasons not to take a job offer, like it not being fair. We obviously have unemployment in this country to help those who are in a tight spot keep their head above water. However, a fair job opportunity in my opinion should be taken. It’s a strange and frightening time where it’s hard to see where the next opportunity is going to come from.

There is a man who turned down a job offer for 25 million dollars for one year and an option for 20 million for the next year. I of course am speaking about Manuel Aristides Ramírez Onelcida. This man has been offered a few job opportunities since his last contract expired in October of 2008. This is not the first offer that Mr. Ramírez has received and turned down. Reportedly he turned down a 2-year/ 45 million dollar offer right after his original contract expired having a spokesperson come out and say that he would only be willing to look at “serious offers.” After that there were at leas 2 more offers that fell in at 1 year/ 25 million and one that hit a maximum of 3 years/ 60 million.

It seems the trouble is that all these offers have been from the same Los Angeles based firm that Mr. Ramírez worked for at the end of his contract last year. Previously he had been with 2 other companies, one in Cleveland and the other in Boston. Then he finished out his contract in LA. In all three of these cities he unquestionably raised the profits and the success of every firm he went to. Mr. Ramírez is obviously very good at what he does and demands a lot of money for his services. Perhaps its my situation but I find it shocking that such a public figure as Mr. Ramírez can set such a bad example for this country. Mr. Ramírez is very good at his job but is an older gentleman for his profession and is looking for one more contract before he retires. However by turning down all of the contract offers, he is setting a terrible example. There are so many young people that are unemployed that look up to Mr. Ramírez. Whether or not he wants to be, he is a role model and is setting a terrible example. With unemployment hitting records in this country we need people like Mr. Ramírez to either accept a very fair job offer or retire and get out of the way. He has saved up plenty of money from working, and being very good, for the better part of the past 20 years. His actions now are detrimental not only to those who could use the job he is vacating and to those who work with him. In this economy it is selfish and detrimental to those companies that are involved. His recent history has shown that even though he is great at his job, his antics can detract incredibly from the production he brings to the office. It’s to the point where it affects everyone. This was clear during his last month at the Boston based company where the entire company suffered before he left and began succeeding after he left for Los Angeles.

So I urge this LA based firm to move on from Mr. Ramírez. It is obvious that he doesn’t want to come back and work with your company. There are plenty of people out there who would love to have his position with your company and you could probably get them much cheaper. It’s true that the production won’t be the same from another person, but if you look at your competition you will see that no company in your area is doing incredibly well. If you use your assets differently in another department I believe you can be very successful. Obviously Mr. Ramírez brings a lot to the table, as you saw last October, but he is now acting as though he is bigger than the company. That attitude is what makes him a liability instead of an asset. If you are in a lot of trouble to fill the position that Mr. Ramírez had last year you can have Mr. Colletti give me a call. I don’t have as much experience, but in college I did run a couple mock trials of a company like yours and I filled the role Mr. Ramirez had with your company last year. Every once in a while my friends and I get together and we pretend that we are a company just like yours. Sometimes we use slightly different equipment, and obviously our offices aren’t as nice, but we use what we have.

I also have a little experience with the role Mr. Garciaparra and Mr. Jones had with you last year. I know that they are both also no longer with your company.

c.jackson.kerouac@gmail.com

I’m just putting it out there…

The Dole Awards #1 – The Best (and biggest) Layoffs of the year

This is truly a treat. These final layoffs combine everything that we could want in a horribly high number of jobs lost. We have a terribly run business, begging the government for money, and still laying off of tens of thousands.

And the winner is ...

#1 General Motors
2/17/09
66,758

I am finding discrepancies in the actual number of layoffs. Some Articles are saying 47,000 but The Forbes Layoff Tracker pegs GM at 66,758. Looking through all these articles and press releases, it is obvious that there is a lot of deceit throughout this entire situation.

So let's dive in and try to pull this one apart, starting with the layoffs.

We are talking about 47 - 66 THOUSAND jobs to be lost over the next year. From what I can tell it's going to be 47 k by the end of this year and probably round up to 66 k through Twenty Twelve. This is truly incredible. They are looking at 20,000 jobs in the US and the rest will be around the rest of the world. You know, since we outsourced all those jobs over the past bunch of years; you know, so they could keep up and stay in business. I don't blame them for outsourcing to central and South America. I understand the concepts and could be considered a fan, but now in this recession we are going to see just exactly how tied together this world is. These layoffs will affect the global economy even though GM is largely stereotyped as only an American company. There are plants all throughout the Americas including large ones in Mexico, Canada, and Brazil. There are also some that are overseas like China as well as Switzerland. GM has a bigger "foreign footprint" than a domestic one. (Note: that is important, remember it for the next paragraph) We could be watching GM finally begin to go out of business, which would not only have disastrous implications in the US but all over the world. As we've seen recently as the American economy goes the world economy goes. The way that outsourcing has gone over the past 10 to 15 years has interlocked all the economies in the world. America, being headquarters to many companies like GM, is the lead domino in a sense.

The phrase "A fish rots from the head down" really seems to sum up my point here.

The layoffs are big and will seem to have a global impact.

"But CJ, we've seen this before in the awards!"

That's right you have. So GM must have done something spectacular to grab the gold. You bet they did. As in spectacularly asking mom and dad, a.k.a the government, for 18 billion dollars in December of 2008, AND THEY GOT IT! They didn't get all 18, yet... Reportedly by February 18th they had already received 13.4 Billion. Awesome! I can't believe it, we're going to bail out a failing business. Why would the US government do this? Because of their "foreign footprint"... Aaaahhh, of course! The foreign footprint! While I agree that the global economy is important, perhaps even as important as the American economy, I don't want to spend American taxpayer money on saving jobs outside of the US. That sounds xenophobic I'm sure, but it's not, I promise you that. This is a real concern for me, and I think it's a very valid one. While it looks like right now only a billion dollars or so is going foreign, specifically to Brazil. (yes, I said "ONLY a billion") But I want to ask why.

Why is this being spent this way?

Why are we even bailing out this company?

Why are we letting them send this money to foreign nations while jobs in this country are
being lost as a record pace?

Taking the opposite side of things, I understand that in order for GM to pull themselves out of this, they are going to need to make sure their entire corporation is running at it's most efficient. I understand that and the argument that making the Brazil plants work better will ultimately help the headquarters in America work better and be more profitable. This makes sense to me and fits in with everything I have been saying. While I, probably selfishly, would prefer to save American jobs I understand that if the global economy gets better than the American economy will follow. I've been preaching it the other way around but am able to see how this could help.

Then I found out that General Motors has asked for an additional 30 billion dollars, and I go back to my questions of why...

Why are we trying to save a company that isn't willing to do anything to save itself?

This company is dying and has been for my whole life. They are seemingly willing to do nothing to get better, they blame others like they are children while they put their hand out and ask for a loan. This is not the first time in our history we have had a gas crisis and this is not the first time in our history that General motors has been in trouble. They offer us big bulky American cars and trucks with cries of Patriotism and 18 miles per gallon. Are we really wondering why sales are down?

I'm a dude, I get it, trucks are awesome. BUT the economy is down, and has been since before just October by the way, and gas prices are up so I'm not buying a truck from you. I'm not even going to buy a new car from you. I'd buy a used car that will last me for 6 years and 120,000 miles. Trust me,I had one a couple years ago, they do actually exist.

So General Motors takes the gold for their commitment to gross negligence. Here's to you guys for your unwavering business plan that, in my opinion, never worked. You've been going out of business since I was a child, and now it looks as though you are going to complete that mission. Don't be mistaken though, this is not just due to you blowing yourselves up. You will notice that Circuit City didn't get any love on this countdown. This is in recognition of your uncanny ability to convince our elected officials that you are deserving of a bailout. So not only have you completely sunk yourself, but it looks like you may succeed in driving this country into the ground as well. After suckering the government to give you 13 billion dollars, you brilliantly went back and asked for over twice as much. Knowing they will almost certainly give you some if not all of it because we have already invested an absurd amount on you that to stop now would mean that we will never see the money we have already spent. It's a brilliant strategy, I have to commend you for it. I mean really, I can't believe you were all able to pull it off, it's nothing short of extraordinary. Honestly, how long with that 30 billion keep you afloat? 2013? 2015? How long do you project it?

I am looking forward the a new Michael Moore Film: "Roger and me 2: A humorous look at how General Motors helped destroy Washington and America as we knew it"

So congratulations again, and congratulations to your partners in crime. Ford and Chrysler were right there with you, they deserve to be mentioned in this with you even though you have stepped up and gone so far above and beyond them both. It really is spectacular.

This is really going to put a different spin on those "This is our country" commercials...

On The Dole: SPECIAL REPORT!

This timing was just too perfect.

Due to the fact that I do not understand the comment section quite yet, I wanted to make sure that this was put front and center in this blog.Thank you to Helen for pointing this out, we now get double blog bonanza to start week 5. Awesome!

MSNBC.com via The Associated Press is reporting that due to a (oh, this is so perfect) "software glitch" (HA!) Microsoft paid out too much severance to some of it's laid off employees.

Microsoft is obviously making a strong play to raise their status in this year's Dole Awards. Unfortunately for them voting has closed or else they might have moved all the way up to 3. I do have a little bit of clout around here, so I wanted to give a specific Honorable Mention to this act of simple foolishness.

Is this seriously happening?

A software company lays off a few thousand people, and the software that calculates the severance overpays those that have been laid off.

It's all topped by the fact that they are asking these employees for the money back. They sent a letter to the employees that were overpaid asking for reimbursement by check or money order within 2 weeks.

...Check or money order.

As if being laid off isn't actually difficult enough right now, they are now saying your severance was too much and they want you to return it. That is such a kick in the nuts to all those people. I would make a decree that if you are provide a service, and the service screws something up, then you are the loser. You get no mulligan. That is your own fault.

I think coming after the layoffs is the best part. It looks to me like they laid off the wrong people, or they didn't lay them off soon enough.

I look forward to the end of the 2 week deadline. I want to see how many money orders they get.

Keep it classy Microsoft.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29353191/

The Dole Awards #2 – Best Layoff in a Leading Role

Here was a strong candidate for the #1 spot, but fell just short in the "gross negligence" column. Never the less, I'm proud of the sheer number of layoffs by this company.

#2 Citigroug
11/17/08
52,000

These layoffs came early but were indicative of what had happened and what was going to come. These were the first major layoffs by someone in the financial sector and have stayed as one of the biggest throughout the recession so far. It's a terribly difficult position for Citi to be in. To some the major layoffs that close to the economic downturn was an admission of guilt. Obviously Citi isn't the only company to blame, but they were thrust to the forefront of the recession in the public eye. So their position was not enviable.

Their perseverance throughout this difficult position was what put them over the top to claim this award, but the layoffs were what put them in the conversation to begin with. We are talking about 52,000 jobs. That is, even in the current scope of things, a $#!% load of jobs lost.

This is an impressive set of layoffs based on the adversity that Citigroup faced. This is why Citi is my leading man. They are able to take the hard line and be the bad guy allowing us to be angry at them and then get over it and begin the healing process. Americans love the bad guys. We love to see someone be unbearably evil, then come back and make that kids movie and show us how much range they have. We love to forgive, and Citi was the first group to come out and be the bad guy. I admire their gusto. The JPmorgans and Bank Of Americas come out afterward with all their layoffs, they just seem like they are following trends.

Not Citi.

They are trailblazers.

Here's to you Citigroup, for making sure they had the Unemployment Insurance benefits worked out before I jumped in the pool. Thanks ...

The Dole Awards #3 – Best Art Direction in Layoffs

This one is surprising. You think if anyone would be able to survive a recession it would be the people that give you erections. If courtesans are #1 or #2 we’ll know just how serious this recession is.

#3 Pfizer Inc.
1/26/2009
19,800

This one is a little misleading however. They have such large cuts due to the fact that they are acquiring Wyeth Pharmaceuticals. A merger like this will often lead to corporate layoffs. Obviously this is necessary to reduce redundancy through the company that was two that has become 1. I understand that it’s a difficult thing to do, especially in this economy, but acquisitions will still happen even in recession. Pfizer is doing what they should be doing in this respect; you don’t stop doing business just because times are tough. It’s hard to see those jobs lost, but in the long run this acquisition is better for business and ultimately makes jobs more secure.

Now that we've covered the company line.

Once we look a little deeper we find that Pfizer has cut or announced cuts of over 59,000 jobs since 2005. According to Bnet.com in October of 2008 while talking about a planned reorganization of the company a spokesperson for Pfizer said that there would be “no-layoffs.” Now, looking at those statements and the current grouping of these January layoffs some of you might think, like I did originally, that these layoffs shouldn’t be looked at under the same scope as the rest of these layoffs cited in The Dole; and you would be correct.

However, there is always a however, Pfizer doesn’t win their Dole Award on the sheer number of layoffs. As stated, most of these layoffs come because of the merger. That’s right … most…

Pfizer takes home the golden loaf of bread due to them sweet talking sugar lips. It is impressive to watch them lay off 20,000 people at a clip, but end up blaming things other than the economy or the fact that they are so undoubtedly going out of business. The acquisition of Wyeth is a smart move to expand the brand to stay in competition in the pharmaceutical game. They have no new drugs in the pipeline that look as though they can help carry the company, and with Lipitor going generic in Twenty Eleven they stand to be in a bunch of trouble. They have already started laying people off in their Connecticut and New Jersey offices. Those usually come in “hundreds” and not “thousands,” but they seem to come every few months now. While New Jersey stands to lose a few more hundred, maybe thousand, jobs Connecticut stands to suffer a worse fate. Both Wyeth and Pfizer have large offices in Connecticut and those will most certainly be combined, probably resulting in one of them closing down or at least slowing operations greatly.

Pfizer was already working on an initiative to save 2 billion dollars, and then these layoffs in January came. After reading a few articles about these specific layoffs, there is a noticeably common theme that nobody seems to think these layoffs will be enough.

They do stand a chance of survival, but they will need to continue their current trend in business. That means making acquisitions and laying some poor souls off. You know it, I know it, and they know it. But all of us also know that the public perception right now is, well, crazy at best. Layoffs look bad in this economic climate. They are viewed by some, including myself sometimes, as the first step to changing the locks at the office over the weekend. Even spending money looks bad. It’s amazing that in a free market society we have began to view spending money as a bad idea. That’s right, in case you didn’t recognize how much trouble we are in, in our capitalistic society it has become taboo to spend money. Especially when you are in the middle of laying off a boatload of people.

I am ultimately impressed by the fact that Pfizer could both spend money and lay off people by the tens of thousands and seem to make it seem like it’s a good thing. They hid their company layoffs behind the layoffs of an acquisition and they keep coming out with strong words about keeping “no layoffs” and “company reconstruction” that keep us satiated. They have continued to falter, but keep on flapping those sugar lips and seem to fall to the back burner of public scrutiny. It’s simply amazing what you are willing to ignore when you have a boner.