The First Official Day Off

From the heart of the recession, I'm a man trying to find his new place.

Taking the first official steps in my laid off life, I applied for NY State Unemployment. I know this is something that I have paid into for most of my adult life and I know it's there to help me, however, it did not feel good filling out that application. It's a system that is in place to help me stay afloat, but I feel as though it's beneath me to take advantage of it. I have had a job steadily since I turned 14 and started bagging groceries. I like working, I enjoy having control over my life and how I will get my next paycheck. I've always been in control of how I will, or will not, make rent each month. To apply for this government benefit makes me feel as thought I've failed somehow, made me feel dirty. This is a foolish way to feel given that I have been reassured that it certainly was not my performance that caused this situation, but this is no solace for someone who feels as thought he's lost control over his life.

Hopefully this will serve as motivation to really get out there and find something that I not only want to do, but will also further my career.

I guess we will find out tomorrow.