CNN seems to be confused

This isn't breaking news, this news is broken...

The unemployment rate in America reached 8.1% in February (I'm the .1%).

So in case y'all weren't paying attention,
PEOPLE ARE LOSING THEIR JOBS!

It's the highest unemployment rate since 1983. Fancy. That's like 26 years ago.

Thanks CNN, without you I never would have realized I don't have a job...

AIG makes me so mad I could spit

Since Tuesday I was working on researching this AIG nonsense and found what seemed to be, to my very limited understanding of business, a company that failing hard. To the tune of 4 bailouts totaling reaching an approximate total of $160 Billion.

$160 Billion …

BILLION!!!!

I was so mad all week trying to write. While proofreading my little “article” yesterday I realized that I had only succeeded in punching the keyboard over and over again. Needless to say I was having trouble putting my feelings into words. It’s hard to watch grown adults, who tried to convince us to trust them with our money, turn around and beg the government for money. Such emotions of anger, disgust, and sadness over such gross negligence. Yes, so much gross negligence that even I can’t get behind it, and as you know I love gross negligence.

I mean this company has had to be bailed out 4 times. When I was a kid, we called that "going out of business." I do not understand how we can keep giving money to these companies to keep them in business. Aren't we already in debt? Didn't we already spend all our money on a war or 2? How do we have so much money to help these companies? Why are we wasting our money on companies that are so clearly not going to survive? I am not a stupid person, I have a degree. (they haven't taken that away yet) I understand the concept that we have let ourselves get into this position where if these financial institutions fail, then it could catastrophically crush our way of life (or something), but I can't quite wrap my head around the concept. There are risks involved in business, and successful companies take risks and . . . well . . . succeed. On the other side of things when a business takes a risk (like AIG) and those risks blow up in their face (like AIG), that company disappears. This is how things work! This makes sense to a reasonable human being like myself. So someone PLEASE help me understand why we are giving them
ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY BILLION DOLLARS!


Finally someone was able to speak to me on my level. Last night, Jon Stewart on his Daily Show absolutely nailed The Dole’s feelings on this subject of AIG and the bailouts. This explanation of the current economic issues and the subsequent government bailouts was very helpful, and made me feel much better about not exactly understanding what was going on (mostly by yelling). Last night's episode is an absolute must watch for anyone who feels a little overwhelmed by all these credit crashes and bailouts.

... and anyone who likes yelling about it.

You have your homework.

Even in this economy, people are still turning down jobs

It’s a very difficult time in our society. According to Forbes.com there have been 486,639 layoffs by America’s top 500 companies. This number doesn’t even take into account the layoffs mine and, I’m sure, thousands of others. This is a good number to go off of for our purposes though. This is a big number based for America. We only have 305 million people in this country. The approximate 500 k jobs lost aren’t devastating for the entire country yet, but we are obviously teetering on the precipice of plunging into a deep dark depression.

However, even in times like these there are people who are rejecting job offers. This is unbelievable to me. Obviously people must keep their wits about them. There are reasons not to take a job offer, like it not being fair. We obviously have unemployment in this country to help those who are in a tight spot keep their head above water. However, a fair job opportunity in my opinion should be taken. It’s a strange and frightening time where it’s hard to see where the next opportunity is going to come from.

There is a man who turned down a job offer for 25 million dollars for one year and an option for 20 million for the next year. I of course am speaking about Manuel Aristides Ramírez Onelcida. This man has been offered a few job opportunities since his last contract expired in October of 2008. This is not the first offer that Mr. Ramírez has received and turned down. Reportedly he turned down a 2-year/ 45 million dollar offer right after his original contract expired having a spokesperson come out and say that he would only be willing to look at “serious offers.” After that there were at leas 2 more offers that fell in at 1 year/ 25 million and one that hit a maximum of 3 years/ 60 million.

It seems the trouble is that all these offers have been from the same Los Angeles based firm that Mr. Ramírez worked for at the end of his contract last year. Previously he had been with 2 other companies, one in Cleveland and the other in Boston. Then he finished out his contract in LA. In all three of these cities he unquestionably raised the profits and the success of every firm he went to. Mr. Ramírez is obviously very good at what he does and demands a lot of money for his services. Perhaps its my situation but I find it shocking that such a public figure as Mr. Ramírez can set such a bad example for this country. Mr. Ramírez is very good at his job but is an older gentleman for his profession and is looking for one more contract before he retires. However by turning down all of the contract offers, he is setting a terrible example. There are so many young people that are unemployed that look up to Mr. Ramírez. Whether or not he wants to be, he is a role model and is setting a terrible example. With unemployment hitting records in this country we need people like Mr. Ramírez to either accept a very fair job offer or retire and get out of the way. He has saved up plenty of money from working, and being very good, for the better part of the past 20 years. His actions now are detrimental not only to those who could use the job he is vacating and to those who work with him. In this economy it is selfish and detrimental to those companies that are involved. His recent history has shown that even though he is great at his job, his antics can detract incredibly from the production he brings to the office. It’s to the point where it affects everyone. This was clear during his last month at the Boston based company where the entire company suffered before he left and began succeeding after he left for Los Angeles.

So I urge this LA based firm to move on from Mr. Ramírez. It is obvious that he doesn’t want to come back and work with your company. There are plenty of people out there who would love to have his position with your company and you could probably get them much cheaper. It’s true that the production won’t be the same from another person, but if you look at your competition you will see that no company in your area is doing incredibly well. If you use your assets differently in another department I believe you can be very successful. Obviously Mr. Ramírez brings a lot to the table, as you saw last October, but he is now acting as though he is bigger than the company. That attitude is what makes him a liability instead of an asset. If you are in a lot of trouble to fill the position that Mr. Ramírez had last year you can have Mr. Colletti give me a call. I don’t have as much experience, but in college I did run a couple mock trials of a company like yours and I filled the role Mr. Ramirez had with your company last year. Every once in a while my friends and I get together and we pretend that we are a company just like yours. Sometimes we use slightly different equipment, and obviously our offices aren’t as nice, but we use what we have.

I also have a little experience with the role Mr. Garciaparra and Mr. Jones had with you last year. I know that they are both also no longer with your company.

c.jackson.kerouac@gmail.com

I’m just putting it out there…

The Dole Awards #1 – The Best (and biggest) Layoffs of the year

This is truly a treat. These final layoffs combine everything that we could want in a horribly high number of jobs lost. We have a terribly run business, begging the government for money, and still laying off of tens of thousands.

And the winner is ...

#1 General Motors
2/17/09
66,758

I am finding discrepancies in the actual number of layoffs. Some Articles are saying 47,000 but The Forbes Layoff Tracker pegs GM at 66,758. Looking through all these articles and press releases, it is obvious that there is a lot of deceit throughout this entire situation.

So let's dive in and try to pull this one apart, starting with the layoffs.

We are talking about 47 - 66 THOUSAND jobs to be lost over the next year. From what I can tell it's going to be 47 k by the end of this year and probably round up to 66 k through Twenty Twelve. This is truly incredible. They are looking at 20,000 jobs in the US and the rest will be around the rest of the world. You know, since we outsourced all those jobs over the past bunch of years; you know, so they could keep up and stay in business. I don't blame them for outsourcing to central and South America. I understand the concepts and could be considered a fan, but now in this recession we are going to see just exactly how tied together this world is. These layoffs will affect the global economy even though GM is largely stereotyped as only an American company. There are plants all throughout the Americas including large ones in Mexico, Canada, and Brazil. There are also some that are overseas like China as well as Switzerland. GM has a bigger "foreign footprint" than a domestic one. (Note: that is important, remember it for the next paragraph) We could be watching GM finally begin to go out of business, which would not only have disastrous implications in the US but all over the world. As we've seen recently as the American economy goes the world economy goes. The way that outsourcing has gone over the past 10 to 15 years has interlocked all the economies in the world. America, being headquarters to many companies like GM, is the lead domino in a sense.

The phrase "A fish rots from the head down" really seems to sum up my point here.

The layoffs are big and will seem to have a global impact.

"But CJ, we've seen this before in the awards!"

That's right you have. So GM must have done something spectacular to grab the gold. You bet they did. As in spectacularly asking mom and dad, a.k.a the government, for 18 billion dollars in December of 2008, AND THEY GOT IT! They didn't get all 18, yet... Reportedly by February 18th they had already received 13.4 Billion. Awesome! I can't believe it, we're going to bail out a failing business. Why would the US government do this? Because of their "foreign footprint"... Aaaahhh, of course! The foreign footprint! While I agree that the global economy is important, perhaps even as important as the American economy, I don't want to spend American taxpayer money on saving jobs outside of the US. That sounds xenophobic I'm sure, but it's not, I promise you that. This is a real concern for me, and I think it's a very valid one. While it looks like right now only a billion dollars or so is going foreign, specifically to Brazil. (yes, I said "ONLY a billion") But I want to ask why.

Why is this being spent this way?

Why are we even bailing out this company?

Why are we letting them send this money to foreign nations while jobs in this country are
being lost as a record pace?

Taking the opposite side of things, I understand that in order for GM to pull themselves out of this, they are going to need to make sure their entire corporation is running at it's most efficient. I understand that and the argument that making the Brazil plants work better will ultimately help the headquarters in America work better and be more profitable. This makes sense to me and fits in with everything I have been saying. While I, probably selfishly, would prefer to save American jobs I understand that if the global economy gets better than the American economy will follow. I've been preaching it the other way around but am able to see how this could help.

Then I found out that General Motors has asked for an additional 30 billion dollars, and I go back to my questions of why...

Why are we trying to save a company that isn't willing to do anything to save itself?

This company is dying and has been for my whole life. They are seemingly willing to do nothing to get better, they blame others like they are children while they put their hand out and ask for a loan. This is not the first time in our history we have had a gas crisis and this is not the first time in our history that General motors has been in trouble. They offer us big bulky American cars and trucks with cries of Patriotism and 18 miles per gallon. Are we really wondering why sales are down?

I'm a dude, I get it, trucks are awesome. BUT the economy is down, and has been since before just October by the way, and gas prices are up so I'm not buying a truck from you. I'm not even going to buy a new car from you. I'd buy a used car that will last me for 6 years and 120,000 miles. Trust me,I had one a couple years ago, they do actually exist.

So General Motors takes the gold for their commitment to gross negligence. Here's to you guys for your unwavering business plan that, in my opinion, never worked. You've been going out of business since I was a child, and now it looks as though you are going to complete that mission. Don't be mistaken though, this is not just due to you blowing yourselves up. You will notice that Circuit City didn't get any love on this countdown. This is in recognition of your uncanny ability to convince our elected officials that you are deserving of a bailout. So not only have you completely sunk yourself, but it looks like you may succeed in driving this country into the ground as well. After suckering the government to give you 13 billion dollars, you brilliantly went back and asked for over twice as much. Knowing they will almost certainly give you some if not all of it because we have already invested an absurd amount on you that to stop now would mean that we will never see the money we have already spent. It's a brilliant strategy, I have to commend you for it. I mean really, I can't believe you were all able to pull it off, it's nothing short of extraordinary. Honestly, how long with that 30 billion keep you afloat? 2013? 2015? How long do you project it?

I am looking forward the a new Michael Moore Film: "Roger and me 2: A humorous look at how General Motors helped destroy Washington and America as we knew it"

So congratulations again, and congratulations to your partners in crime. Ford and Chrysler were right there with you, they deserve to be mentioned in this with you even though you have stepped up and gone so far above and beyond them both. It really is spectacular.

This is really going to put a different spin on those "This is our country" commercials...

On The Dole: SPECIAL REPORT!

This timing was just too perfect.

Due to the fact that I do not understand the comment section quite yet, I wanted to make sure that this was put front and center in this blog.Thank you to Helen for pointing this out, we now get double blog bonanza to start week 5. Awesome!

MSNBC.com via The Associated Press is reporting that due to a (oh, this is so perfect) "software glitch" (HA!) Microsoft paid out too much severance to some of it's laid off employees.

Microsoft is obviously making a strong play to raise their status in this year's Dole Awards. Unfortunately for them voting has closed or else they might have moved all the way up to 3. I do have a little bit of clout around here, so I wanted to give a specific Honorable Mention to this act of simple foolishness.

Is this seriously happening?

A software company lays off a few thousand people, and the software that calculates the severance overpays those that have been laid off.

It's all topped by the fact that they are asking these employees for the money back. They sent a letter to the employees that were overpaid asking for reimbursement by check or money order within 2 weeks.

...Check or money order.

As if being laid off isn't actually difficult enough right now, they are now saying your severance was too much and they want you to return it. That is such a kick in the nuts to all those people. I would make a decree that if you are provide a service, and the service screws something up, then you are the loser. You get no mulligan. That is your own fault.

I think coming after the layoffs is the best part. It looks to me like they laid off the wrong people, or they didn't lay them off soon enough.

I look forward to the end of the 2 week deadline. I want to see how many money orders they get.

Keep it classy Microsoft.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29353191/

The Dole Awards #2 – Best Layoff in a Leading Role

Here was a strong candidate for the #1 spot, but fell just short in the "gross negligence" column. Never the less, I'm proud of the sheer number of layoffs by this company.

#2 Citigroug
11/17/08
52,000

These layoffs came early but were indicative of what had happened and what was going to come. These were the first major layoffs by someone in the financial sector and have stayed as one of the biggest throughout the recession so far. It's a terribly difficult position for Citi to be in. To some the major layoffs that close to the economic downturn was an admission of guilt. Obviously Citi isn't the only company to blame, but they were thrust to the forefront of the recession in the public eye. So their position was not enviable.

Their perseverance throughout this difficult position was what put them over the top to claim this award, but the layoffs were what put them in the conversation to begin with. We are talking about 52,000 jobs. That is, even in the current scope of things, a $#!% load of jobs lost.

This is an impressive set of layoffs based on the adversity that Citigroup faced. This is why Citi is my leading man. They are able to take the hard line and be the bad guy allowing us to be angry at them and then get over it and begin the healing process. Americans love the bad guys. We love to see someone be unbearably evil, then come back and make that kids movie and show us how much range they have. We love to forgive, and Citi was the first group to come out and be the bad guy. I admire their gusto. The JPmorgans and Bank Of Americas come out afterward with all their layoffs, they just seem like they are following trends.

Not Citi.

They are trailblazers.

Here's to you Citigroup, for making sure they had the Unemployment Insurance benefits worked out before I jumped in the pool. Thanks ...

The Dole Awards #3 – Best Art Direction in Layoffs

This one is surprising. You think if anyone would be able to survive a recession it would be the people that give you erections. If courtesans are #1 or #2 we’ll know just how serious this recession is.

#3 Pfizer Inc.
1/26/2009
19,800

This one is a little misleading however. They have such large cuts due to the fact that they are acquiring Wyeth Pharmaceuticals. A merger like this will often lead to corporate layoffs. Obviously this is necessary to reduce redundancy through the company that was two that has become 1. I understand that it’s a difficult thing to do, especially in this economy, but acquisitions will still happen even in recession. Pfizer is doing what they should be doing in this respect; you don’t stop doing business just because times are tough. It’s hard to see those jobs lost, but in the long run this acquisition is better for business and ultimately makes jobs more secure.

Now that we've covered the company line.

Once we look a little deeper we find that Pfizer has cut or announced cuts of over 59,000 jobs since 2005. According to Bnet.com in October of 2008 while talking about a planned reorganization of the company a spokesperson for Pfizer said that there would be “no-layoffs.” Now, looking at those statements and the current grouping of these January layoffs some of you might think, like I did originally, that these layoffs shouldn’t be looked at under the same scope as the rest of these layoffs cited in The Dole; and you would be correct.

However, there is always a however, Pfizer doesn’t win their Dole Award on the sheer number of layoffs. As stated, most of these layoffs come because of the merger. That’s right … most…

Pfizer takes home the golden loaf of bread due to them sweet talking sugar lips. It is impressive to watch them lay off 20,000 people at a clip, but end up blaming things other than the economy or the fact that they are so undoubtedly going out of business. The acquisition of Wyeth is a smart move to expand the brand to stay in competition in the pharmaceutical game. They have no new drugs in the pipeline that look as though they can help carry the company, and with Lipitor going generic in Twenty Eleven they stand to be in a bunch of trouble. They have already started laying people off in their Connecticut and New Jersey offices. Those usually come in “hundreds” and not “thousands,” but they seem to come every few months now. While New Jersey stands to lose a few more hundred, maybe thousand, jobs Connecticut stands to suffer a worse fate. Both Wyeth and Pfizer have large offices in Connecticut and those will most certainly be combined, probably resulting in one of them closing down or at least slowing operations greatly.

Pfizer was already working on an initiative to save 2 billion dollars, and then these layoffs in January came. After reading a few articles about these specific layoffs, there is a noticeably common theme that nobody seems to think these layoffs will be enough.

They do stand a chance of survival, but they will need to continue their current trend in business. That means making acquisitions and laying some poor souls off. You know it, I know it, and they know it. But all of us also know that the public perception right now is, well, crazy at best. Layoffs look bad in this economic climate. They are viewed by some, including myself sometimes, as the first step to changing the locks at the office over the weekend. Even spending money looks bad. It’s amazing that in a free market society we have began to view spending money as a bad idea. That’s right, in case you didn’t recognize how much trouble we are in, in our capitalistic society it has become taboo to spend money. Especially when you are in the middle of laying off a boatload of people.

I am ultimately impressed by the fact that Pfizer could both spend money and lay off people by the tens of thousands and seem to make it seem like it’s a good thing. They hid their company layoffs behind the layoffs of an acquisition and they keep coming out with strong words about keeping “no layoffs” and “company reconstruction” that keep us satiated. They have continued to falter, but keep on flapping those sugar lips and seem to fall to the back burner of public scrutiny. It’s simply amazing what you are willing to ignore when you have a boner.